cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
