3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
