Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Enjoy the penises
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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