In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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