The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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