Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
