Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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