I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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