I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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