Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
