I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
