Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
