I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
