Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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