Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well I just put wine in my tea
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
