her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
