you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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