i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
