So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
