Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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