its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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