They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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