Im at strip club and am horny
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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