so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
BRING THE BAGELS
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
