I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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