physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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