we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
