im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
