OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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