Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
