never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
