After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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