Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
