Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
