eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No subtext here. People are naked.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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