Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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