it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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