I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
