Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Buhtt sex?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
