How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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