Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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