This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
