Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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