dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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