I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
