They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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