You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
