Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
porn star boner night. come get it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
