Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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