Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
