I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
