Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
