I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
