Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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