it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
