I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
