I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
